I thank you, O Kind and Benevolent God, for you have instructed me not to let my heart become troubled and, instead, trust that You are with me and care about what the future holds for me. Despite these uplifting words, when I get discouraged or I grow disillusioned by the way things are not going … for some reason, I get upset with You. I begin to feel like my logic has drifted into a fog and I cannot get my bearings. It is as though I’m a bug that has just smashed into a windshield. I try to escape the pull of darkness by reading my Bible, but the words fall like seed on dry, hardened soil. In my anger, I wrestle with thoughts filled with doubt and begin to think that if You really care about me, You’d do something on my behalf. Where, O where, is the light that I need to show me the way forward. As I separate myself from You, I feel more alone and helpless in righting the things that are going wrong in my life.
Then I am reminded of Your words … do not let your heart be troubled … believe that I AM and that I want to better your life. As I think about what You said, I realize that getting upset with You has been fueled by my enemy as he tries to convince me that You do not care about me. He turns the hills I face into towering mountains I dare not try to climb … which, in turn, makes me feel helpless. When I let my emotions get the best of me, I willingly collaborate with the Devil in sabotaging our relationship. Why then do I take hold of these thoughts filled with doubt … is it because I feel unworthy of Your time and a response? Or am I acting like a spoiled brat who is not getting his way? I am beginning to understand that blaming You is a cover-up for lacking the faith to stand my ground and wait for Your answer to my prayer. Help my unbelief and give me the strength to believe that You care.
Like with everything else, deciding to follow You at all cost and believing that through Your death and resurrection You have demonstrated, to all people for all time, the vastness of Your love. I find that my doubt is the fruit of neglecting our relationship, too much interaction with the world and a failure to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. My redemption from the stronghold of my enemy starts with a decision to make You number one and implore You to strengthen me through Your grace and the wisdom that emanates from Your Word. As a devoted servant, I cannot serve You and anything/anyone but You. When I give a place to worry and doubt, they consume my whole being and set about to kill and destroy everything related to You. You have the right to ask me “why are you upset with me?” And, I have the obligation to respond in truth “I have none.” And it’s in Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!!
John 14:1 Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe in me also.